Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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