i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How does one acquire holy water?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
