I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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