: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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