Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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