i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
