i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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