Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
