So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just so happy...and so naked.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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