Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
