One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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