I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
