Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
