Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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