Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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