Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
