I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
