i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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