Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
