I heard we made out
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
