I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
