I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
