Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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