clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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