I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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