Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She bit a glass in half.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
