All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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