I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
