Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
