What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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