Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
