she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
