I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
