So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
