can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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