No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
