just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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