Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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