There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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