shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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