Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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