so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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