His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we're making bets on your personal life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
