Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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