She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
