we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
