Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
