I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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