Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
