Buhtt sex?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
