Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
