Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
