I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish my penis had a tongue
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
