I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
