Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
