Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
worst night to have a conscience
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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