too bad you live with your parents still
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
