It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
