We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
